Week 5 Love-Hate

Okay so last week I was feeling lazy. More lazy than the average 80 year old sloth. But, I digress. Here are my week 5 picks for you idiots, lets go.

Quarterbacks I love in week 5:

QB, Phillip Rivers, SD
With 11 touchdowns and only 2 picks through the first four games, Rivers hasn't been quite Manning-esque (referring to Peyton of course) but he has looked sharp nonetheless. He has 20+ points in 3 of 4 games and is a top 5 fantasy quarterback through the first quarter of the season. The most unbelievable stat is that he is only owned in 87 percent of leagues. Pick him up and start him, he's a fantasy stud in 2013.

QB, Mike Vick, PHI
He Should go back to his ways of running free as he did the first two weeks as the Eagles take on a Giants team that is, mediocre. At best. The Eagles should be putting up some big points against the G-Men and Vick will be a part of it.

QB, Matthew Stafford, DET
He's Had two touchdowns in each of his first four games. He'll be engaged in a shootout against the Packers this week so i see him putting up huge numbers. He's throwing to Megatron, let's be real here.

Running Backs I Love In Week 5:

RB, Giovani Bernard, CIN
He was one of my sleeper picks that has come to fruition, as he has 10+ points in each of his last three outings in PPR formats. He's a receiving back who has quickly replaced The Law Firm in Cincy, and against a Vince Wilfork-less Pats squad this week I see him having a field day.

RB, Matt Forte, CHI
He's just so consistent doe.

RB, Chris Johnson, TEN
He needs to get in the end zone, but with Fitz getting the nod in Tennessee with Locker out, He'll need to produce. Maybe if I write about him he'll show up. For how good KC's defense has been they are indeed giving up 5.4 yards a carry. I like his odds and so should you. C'mon CJ2K, C'mon!

RB, Fred Jackson, BUF
Spiller isn't looking 100% and with the man called Haden amongst other men in the Cleveland secondary the Bills should be running the football. Alot. Not to mention they're the second best rushing team in the league. Start him.

RB, Ray Rice, BAL
This should be common sense, if he plays in any given week you'll play him. But against a Miami defense that got torched by Darren Sproles last week I like him. Another thing to consider- they benched their stud last week in a loss at Buffalo. Super Bowl Champs don't make the same mistake twice, right?

Wide Receivers I Love In Week 5:

WR, Cecil Shorts, JAX
He's getting catches no matter who is under center and I feel he's due for a trip to the end zone. He's the only member of the Jags worthy of a start this week and they will be throwing, alot. When don't they play from behind? Against St. Louis on the fast turf this weekend I like Shorts to put up numbers.

WR, AJ Green, CIN
Simply because the last two weeks from him have been mediocre at best, and my co-writer is hating on him this week because he's a biased Pats Fan. Not a fan of the whole "Talib Island" thing... Not very original Alex. Nut up or shut up, Mr. Green.

Denver Receivers-
If you have one, I don't care if he's 5th string, blind, on the IR, retired. Start him. The man throwing to him is on pace for 64 touchdowns and no interceptions. Lol. Wut.

WR, Randall Cobb, GB
The Lions-Packers game could easily end up looking like an Arena Football League scoring game at the end of 60 minutes. I wouldn't be shocked if the QB's combined for 1,000 yards and 10 TD's. So much offense... I can't even put it into words. The Packers need this one, expect them to throw to their best target.

Tight Ends I Love In Week 5:

TE, Antonio Gates, SD
I had every doubt in the world about this man at the start of the season and avoided him in every draft I've done. Given I was smart enough to buy into every share of Jordan Cameron stock left in the world, Gates proved yet again to me that he's the man. Did I mention they play Oakland this weekend and his QB has a 118.6 rating this season? ..The more you know.

TE, Julius Thomas, DEN
See "Denver Receivers"

Defenses I love In Week 5:

STL Defense
Why? *licks lips out of devious satisfaction* Guess who they play? The Jags. Muahahahahaha.

KC Defense
By now this should be obvious. It doesn't seem to matter who they play, they're almost a sure 15 points. Given they haven't Played Mr. Manning yet... Oh wait, they did. I meant to say, Given they haven't played Peyton*** Manning yet.

Hate is a strong word, but I Really, really, really don't like you.

Quarterbacks I Hate in Week 5:

QB, Andrew Luck, IND
Once upon a time in a place known as Seattle, there lived a scary and ravishing defense that allowed no mercy to its opponents. There were many a good defensive back in that magical place known as Seattle, and they liked to make being a quarterback a living hell. Let's stop being cute. Luck will be happy to walk away from this one with less than 3 picks.

QB, Carson Palmer, ARI
He's the original garbage time hero. Unfortunately I don't foresee alot of garbage time in this one.

Running Backs I Hate in Week 5:

RB, Ryan Mathews,
Have you seen him play? Uglier than my aunt's hairless chihuahua. Woodhead and Brown are taking his touches, slowly but surely.

RBs, James Starks and Johnathan Franklin, GB
Starks is out, and there's a big man back in town, his name is Lacy.

RB, DeMarco Murray, DAL
It oughta be a shootout in Dallas with the Broncos in town, which means Dallas isn't going to be giving Murray 25 carries, that's for sure.

Wide Receivers I Hate in Week 5:

WR, Reggie Wayne, IND
Richard Sherman is just too damn good. The entire Colts offense will struggle this week against Seattle.

WR, T.Y. Hilton, IND
He is a return threat so i don't hate him as much as Wayne, but still. He plays for the Colts, Who are playing the Seahawks.

WR, Stevie Johnson, BUF
Joe Haden is pretty good if you haven't heard... And Johnson is a little injured too. And the Bills aren't home, and you probably have better options on your team. Sit him down.

WR, Mike Wallace, MIA
This is somewhat of a gut call but after the disappointing loss in Buffalo I like Baltimore's defense to look sharp against Miami, and Wallace has been much too inconsistent for my liking this year.

Tight Ends I Hate in Week 5:

TE, Jimmy Graham, NO
This is crazy, I'm stupid, I'm an insult to fantasy players everywhere. Whatever. Say what you'd like. I still think he gets 8-10 points in standard leagues but I don't think he puts up 25 again this week. He can't be this good all the time right? Major gut call here but I feel he has an off week. We'll see. I gotta be bold somewhere along the lines and if this works out and I'm right, I'm a genius.

most other tight ends not named Cameron, Gronkowski, or Gonzalez.

Defenses I Hate in Week 5:

DET Defense
"Who's Detroit playing this week?"
"Green Bay, Sir."
"Oh? Green Bay is it?"
 *drops defense* *picks up whoever plays Jacksonville*
"We're all good son, fetch me some coffee"

And now we're done here. Good luck in week 5!